Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
