This is not my ceiling
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
