I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
