I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
