elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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