im six kinds of drunk right now
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
