So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Mom said you looked used
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
