Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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