Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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