DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
