How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
being pregnant is like rehab
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
