I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Someone shattered a urinal.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Randomize
