This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
