Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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