Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
