it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
