I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
