what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
