Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
