It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i need some magic done to my vagina
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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