i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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