You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
