she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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