If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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