What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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