just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
