Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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