what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
