no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
