I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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