Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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