is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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