Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
