Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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