You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
