I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
