In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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