Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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