Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
