you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
