I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
