Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
