Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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