Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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