Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You're like the curious george of whores
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
