it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
