is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
