Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
