the condom got lost in my hair
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
