Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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